Sunday, 22 June 2008
I just heard from sources (youtube) that Mcfly maybe signing a strange contract with McDonald's that will put pictures of them on every McDonald's carton in the UK. This in itself isn't disgusting (ok mebbe a tad. They're objectifying themselves!). What is disgusting is that if they do sign the contract then their album release date will be pushed back to September!! ARGH! Its disgusting and I refuse to remove the countdown timer thing i had so painstakingly put up a few days ago. I am going to be a dumbbunny and still hope and pray that the date stays the same. Meanwhile I'm listening to Here's another song for the radio amidst woeful sighs.
Saturday, 21 June 2008
A better shot. The doug was still sitting pretty and loving it.
A close-up and he was still checking himself out:
The flash irked him a bit, but did he run away? No! He's one solid narcissist he is, our Dougie.
Sunday, 15 June 2008
Thanks to kristopher and pari. Their reactions helped me click the 'publish' button.
I feel like my whole entire life is passing me by. That I am twenty and I haven’t a revelation to my name. I fear my entire life will pass by in replica decades and that I will be left an old woman with regrets that clutch at her throat, bringing her to tears ever so often. Nothing to achieve. Nothing to look forward to. Just a vacuum ironically filled with hope yet reigning back hope to replace it with pessimism.
I am in turmoil. I am in constant contradiction of my pessimistic thoughts. Yet it remains. Like a cold stone in my gut. Immovable, impassable, ever-present. I’m beginning to realize that I am beginning to give in to this stone and its call. It is inscribed with the stories of millions of others, as human and imperfect as I, who just gave up. Who surrendered because it was too difficult to make a life in their world.
I often pray to a god I do not believe in. I pray feverishly for me to be transported back to a time where I will feel at ease with myself and those around me. I grit my teeth as I pray. Knowing how foolish I must sound. For this reason I would never voice my turmoil to a soul. It remains within my being. As though bound to the stone in my gut. The stone of the losers-the people who have given up. Who let fear feed on their persona and let the stone become a cancerous growth that becomes heavier and heavier till it consumes them whole and stiffens the blood in their veins.
Why must I be like this? I believe I have talent. I believe that I am as good as most out there yet I am bogged down by my eyes that register every movement of those I envy and by the thoughts that enter my head as my eyes are feverishly taking in all they can. The thoughts dissuade me. The thoughts make me feel like I have nowhere to go. That I have reached a deadly plateau of ‘average’ and have ceased any forward movement.
My body tingles as I write this because the truth does that. It makes you tingle in places. Your neck, your head, your stomach. It makes you feel like your pores are vibrating. Like they are all alive at once. I have often felt this. When I fall into bed and am still for the first time in a day. Then they vibrate. But that is a good vibration. They thank me for the work I did. For making them feel alive, for making them work together. But this is different. They want to no longer work as a unit but as individuals. I want to give in to them. But all I do is run my fingers hard through my hair to create a rival sensation. To forget their tingling. Or at least to mask it. To mask their traitorous aim. To feel whole again. But they continue. They continue to whisper, to vibrate and whisper pleas of freedom. But no I will not let them go. I will not let them be individual. I will deny them their pleasure as I feel I have been denied mine.
The stone is my gut is feeling warm. It is often warm as it shrinks. I run my hands hard through my hair, over my shoulders, down my arms and over my stomach. The tingling is going away, but it echoes still in my wretched memory, lingering as a warning of it return. But then that will be in a while, when I feel hopeless again. When I think of giving up again. When I am weak again.
For now I am safe. I feel the warmth of confidence. I decide on which smile to smile. The one that makes my one dimple show, I think. That one is a winner on most days, on most people. I square my shoulders. I suck in my gut. I walk into the room and I am me again. No one must ever know.
Thursday, 12 June 2008
I have lost another phone.
The date: 10th of june (two days after my birthday might i add)
The time: approx ten to nine p.m
The place: The railway station at Delhi.
The company: MM
If anyone sees a light blue cellphone with the numbers rubbed off the keypad please return it to its rightful and mourning owner. It is either on the railway platform at Nizammudin station or in the Rajdhani on its way to Bangalore.
Some people might laugh, some shake heads condescendingly, some sympathize but nothing will bring back my constant companion who served me well through our short-lived relations. He was a dear friend, a trustworthy store of information (ALL those numbers!!) and a faithful alarm when nothing else could wake my kumbhakarna self.
Fare thee well my friend and as a last favour, please electrocute the sob that has you now. Well. As much as you can anyway.
Something that made me laugh hysterically today:
MM suddenly remembers in class what we were trying to in lucknow and writes it down in the middle of a very serious class.
"I just remember what she said! Shellfish! She said 'don't be shellfish' ''
I'm shaking with mirth. And she's sitting beside me, looking politely interested in the lecture. I shake further.
Dubba and me standing outside my home trying to catch an auto for the better part of an hour today. She stops one and they talk and she walks off in a huff toward me.
"What did he say?" i ask, mildly interested.
Dubba says with poorly concealed chagrin:
He said "twenty bucks"!
And i said "why" and he said "to sit in the auto."
So i said "You, bloody, you take your auto and go"
I laughed. Very hard. Hung onto her arm for support, I did. If you didn't find that funny then you're the strange one. Not me.
Sunday, 8 June 2008
I'm an it. I got tagged now I'm an it! I like being an it.
Now on to the game...
Browsing through books at Blossoms. Even if its a hundred degrees and i leave a trails of sweat behind me.
Laughing at made-up scenarios with my munches.
Finding a book that i have read before but would read again and again.
I am mumbai-phobic. For some strange reason.
Burning clothes while ironing. It has happened. It will happen again. And i am petrified of losing more clothes.
Cockroaches. Lizards, i can handle. Rats i can juggle. But cockroaches ought to die. The lot of them.
Writing a book. And publishing it at a major publishing house. (When noone's looking)
Going to Italy.
3 CURRENT OBSESSIONS/COLLECTIONS:
McFly. It is disgusting. It is immature. But i like it and all the haters can go and boil.
Desiree by anne Marie Selinko. The book i read long ago and recently bought and am reading yet again. sigh.
My new guitar. My fingers will never be chapped enough. (They look like a troll's.)
3 RANDOM SURPRISING FACTS:
I can sing. i can play guitar. I can't do em together.
I get along very well with most auto drivers. I mean, very well. Like loooong conversation-well.
I sing a portuguese song in my head that i don't know the words to. This is courtesy my father and my uncles. I sing gibberish words instead.
And thats all folks! *smiles piggily and waves*
Oh...its my birthday btw.
And i feel all of the twenty years i am. But whatevr i feel like, i still act like a three year old (a grumpy one at times). Nothing's changed dude! *makes horizontal V with fingers*
12/06/08: I forgot to tag five people. How silly, how forgetful, how me.
and again with the uneven numbers thing. So only four tagged. Not five.
Monday, 2 June 2008
The architecture is just so heavenly for a weirdo like me- my home and the city!
The roads in the market we visited today were infested, for lack of any better word to use, with people. The buildings are gorgeous peices of British raj architecture that are cloaked with the grime of over-use and inhabitation. You almost forget that most of them are an average of two hundred years old!
All the memories of people and events attached to it seem to rush at me when i look at them and i always leave with a warm feeling of having gone through time. (Ah, if only!) I wouldn't mind living in one of those aged structures at all. I'd take high ceilings and rotting plumbing ANY day as opposed to sleek, lo maintenance flats! I can imagine myself in one of those cutesy rooms, with a strangely coloured, rickety ceiling fan and a wooden screen in one corner and a rocking chair in the other. All this looking onto a busy street though stained glass windows or wooden arches. Sigh.
The house here is awesome and i have been so busy being rapt with pleasure that i have neglected taking any classy photos of the place. That shall be next on my agenda.
Now as for my company,
I have realized that time spent with the munches is time well spent. ANY amount of time. WHATEVER we're doing, its fun.
Whether we're laughing hysterically at made-up scenarios or arguing, or being snappy or sharing companionable silences.
Aaah. The joy of time well spent is...well..a joy.
Anyway, Lucknow is hosting the munches for now and the two days we have spent here have been fun even though they did not include anything Lucknowi per say. Two dinners out, one argument, one afternoon of awesome gift giving (courtesy MM) and some questionabl guitar-playing later and i can't wait for it all to start again tomorrow!
I'm glad for the munches.
I'm glad for Lucknow.
This is one contented bunny rite now.
Oh, and my family rocks too.