Thursday, 22 May 2008

Writer's Unblock

Yes, its that beautiful time in a decade when i can't say i'm suffering from writer's block(or inherent laziness) and that is why i am blogging more than once today!

I have a few embarassing moments to discuss!

She lies. She lies.

Fine. They're aplenty in my life but i'll choose the golden moment and put it up here since i know you have lives and have better things to do. :)
This latest one i am actually proud of.

My mom, dad and i were at Hyderabad International Airport two weeks ago all checked in and waiting to board. Let me just say that this airport is pretty snazzy, by indian standards. All shiny (well, for now) and new. It was the kind that is lit so bright that you're constantly afraid you're gonna do something stupid (like i did).
So...i decide while waiting that i'm gonna go to the loo (which i thought i could do effortlessly but turns out i can't.)
I was thinking about romantic novels (don't ask) and walking towards the loo. I walked in, vaguely noticing a big blue illustration (really, they should make the "signs" more distinguishable. I mean women wear pants as well nowadays.) So i walk through and there's like this little area with a wash basin and mirror and there's this guy there. And he looks at me and i look at him and we both look away. He says nothing.

I was thinking :"Hmm...this part must be common"
The sadist that he was, he musta been thinking :"She gwain get embah-rassed!"

I walk in and there's six men, three on each side, facing the wall. Unless it was some kind of mexican stand-off in the women's loo, i guessed that they were doin their business and it was at this point that i realized where i was and my cheeks turned a darker shade of red and i felt like i was on fire (not in a good way)
And any normal woman would turn tail and run but nooooo...i just muted the sound of my heels by tip-toeing and heading for one of the stalls. All the while i was thinking..
Great. Now if one of them turns around they'll think i'm some kind of weirdo pervert who tip-toes around men's loos. (I wouldn't blame them. I felt like a pervert)
I was in the stall so i went about my business (getting embarassed makes me wanna pee apparently) and laughed at myself quietly before walking out confidently, head high in the air and heart high in my throat. I thought i could just walk out and try to vanish into a large group of tourists or something but obviously i met my dad on the way out who says incredulously,
"Thats the men's loo!"
to which i mumble something to the effect of
"*giggle* yea i know"
Dumb dumb.
It still wasn't over. I was trying to hurry away when the guy who was mopping the floors stops mopping, looks at me, grins and says while pointing, "That side ladie's loo madam".
Yes, thanks. That helps.
I walked away without replying, tossing my hair for effect.

Depressed Bunnies, Jefferey Archer and the five year plan!

I was just going through my other blog that i made a long time ago. It is so superbly cringe-worthy. Yikes! I can't believe i thought it was net-worthy. (I used worthy twice. haha)
Its filled with these depressing poems that i probably wrote when i was in one of my 'moods'. i was one depressed bunny! Hmm...i wonder if bunnies get depressed. I dunno...mebbe they're depressed all the time. And i just realized that bunnies pretty much make no sounds-at all. They're dumb. Which makes me wonder if they're deaf as well. Coz we had rabbits when i was younger and i don't particularly remember them responding to the ghastly names we gave them. Not one sideways look. Not a raised ear. Nothing. Maybe the bunnies I had were depressed, deaf and dumb. I don't know.
My friend and i used to have fun with them though. We didn't exactly torture them but what we did is kind of in the gray area. Can't arrest or commend us for what we did. (Hah! In your face PETA) So anyway, we used to kidnap one of the bunnies, take it in to the drawing room, set it down on the sofa and push down. and guess what used to happen!?
Voila! It used to poop! Every single time! That was one weird rabbit.
haha...wipes tear from corner of eye.
We had some fun times.
Too bad that some stray dogs got to the bunnies.
I shan't recount that story! Poor bunnies. They couldn't even scream.
Goshdarnitalltohell. Now i'm sad. :(
On a perkier note, I may be meeting Jefferey Archer tomorrow! He's on his India book tour and he's in Bangalore tomorrow. I can't wait. He's a Lord. Finally, I'm meeting someone of my calibre! xD
Jefferey Archer made me think about my five year plan. (No he didn't. I just wanted to add it here because i didn't want to write a new post because ah'm a lazy bum)
my five-year plan is actually quite cool. It makes me kind-of focused at the moment. I discussed it with widegrin and she agrees that its brilliant. But then again, she's the kind of friend who would supoport you if she found out that you pooped rabbits. (this rabbit thing is not going away too quickly.)
Ta fer now!

two minutes after publishing post: wtf is supoport? haha.

(*Mad n Pari: you suck at nuards. Look at mine.)

Tuesday, 20 May 2008

She shan't like Sreesanth. She shan't i say! She shan't!

I was just watching tv and i realize after watchin a particular ad that i dislike that bloke Sreesanth. Immensely. i just want to rip his beard off his cry booby face.
I mean, who knowingly breaks down in front of millions of people accross the world and lives throught the knowledge that he is an embarassment to all that is decent, dignified and untarnished by salt water, in cricket.
I don't like cricket. I dislike the idea of watchin three hours of cricket but i still have a certain affection for the entire game since it makes us indians so crazy (as opposed to uh...the usually stable us). And here he is, this stupid-ad doing, curly-haired, pouty-faced donk-head, acting like a baby. Gawd! And the latest add for a certain dark coloured drink makes him all the more irritating. All i can think about when i see his unshaven face is that he cries like a five year old deprived of candy. Its a wonder he has facial hair at all, for that matter.
Phew. I just had to get that off my chest.
Lovely weather here. Cheers!
Post. Script: The british inflection to my posts hereforth are influence from watching way too many mcfly videos in way too short a time.

Blog Tag Game thingamajiggy

Yes, well..i was asked, uh..invited to do this blog tag game thing yesterday...a week ago.. ALL was three weeks ago. But i've been busy. Doing thngs i wanted to do. (Recently i sat in my room for the ENTIRE day without getting up to go out except to pee *twice* eat *thrice* and to meet n greet an annoying guest. Guiness here i come.)
So anyway, back to blog tag game thingam....oh gawd here it is.

Blog Tag game 1:
Last movie seen in a theatre: Death at a Funeral Friday night with the munches and Jay. British comedy. Funny. The thought of Uncle Alfie will forever give me the jitters.
What book are you reading? Eric by Terry Pratchitt
Favourite board game: i recall a particularly fun game of LIFE! once. I had six children (apparently they don't provide birth control with the game) and retired as a millionaire to the jungle.
Favourite magazine: Eh...I'm gonna say India Today. "Coz nothing. i don't read magazines." will sound cheesy.
Favourite smells: Old books. NEW FABRIC. Mangos. Peaches. Lots of others. (I'm letting this one stay the same since MM's answer was better than the crap one i had in mind)
Favourite sound; A tuned guitar. since mine will never be that way.
Worst feeling in the world: Stapling your finger. Trust me.
What is the first thing you think of when you wake up? Hmm..I wonder how i'll embarass myself today?
Favourite fast food place: Meh....probably home. I can cook up real crap food real fast. Come on ovah!
Future child’s name: Yes, I’ve thought that far. (MM's answer again. This girl is funny)
Finish this statement, “If I had a lot of money I’d…” Buy McFly and drag them around with me in a cage that they have to play live acoustic versions of ALL their songs in EVERY day for the rest of their/my sad live/s.
Do you drive fast? Often. When I'm ecstatic or furious or late.
Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? No. Never was much of a stuffed toy person.
Do you eat the stems on broccoli? What kind of indian food has broccoli i ask you? wat IS broccoli. The only reason i have a soft spot for broccoli is becasue Mcfly has a song named broccoli.
If you could dye your hair any colour, what would be your choice? something dark red. I dunno. I'd probably get do-overs till i feel its right.
Name all the different cities/towns you have lived in:Oh gawd. Bangalore, delhi, jalandhar, udhampur, ferozpur, pune, trivandrum, lalaland.
Favourite sports to watch: Blah. If I HAVE to, then cricket. MM's answer saves the day. again.
One nice thing about the person who sent this to you: her answers are better.
What’s under your bed? The small table i use to eat food or write on my bed. I told you i didn't leave my room much.
Would you like to be born as yourself again? easily embarassed, moody, reclusive at times, sarcastic as hell, socially handicapped. yes please.
Morning person or night owl? DEFINITELY night owl.
Over easy or sunny side up? sunny side up. with corn flakes. yum.
Favourite place to relax: my room.
Favourite ice cream flavour: plain jane says Vanilla.

You pass this tag to –Osh, Pari, kristopher, Tups (I'm not tagging five people because i don't like odd numbers.)

Of all the people you tagged this to, who’s most likely to respond first? probably Kristopher.

Ok so what you guys have to do is copy this tag game, paste, link the person who tagged you (me!) and choose five more people to tag and link them.Go on, its not that difficult! You can do it! Fly forth my children! Fly forth!

Friday, 16 May 2008

The Scarlett Lady

meh. I have a confession to make. I am cheating.
Yes, I am cheating. And whatever you do-gooders are thinking right now, i do not care. I don't care that you think i am morally repugnant or that i will probably go to a very hot (no i dont mean chic) place after i die. I am cheating. Its completely true and i'm ashamed but i do not regret it. I'll say it one last time: I am cheating. On blogger. I'm cheating on blogger with wordpress. I feel horrendous. I mean, i'm usually a very loyal person i am! I stick by people who i believe in and i am pretty much an innocent-until-proven-guilty kinda person.
But gawd! Wordpress really rocks. I will of course continue the relationship i have with blogger but things, i know, will never be the same. sigh. change is sometimes a terrible thing.
So anyway, if you guys want a change of scene then this very blog is also on wordpress at the following location.
i am right now listening to John Paul White's "Can't get it out of my head". seems appropriate.
Ta fer now!

Wednesday, 7 May 2008

Starer Jane.

i haven't blogged in a while because i've been kind of busy.
She lies. She lies.
been going to work regularly (yuh-huh) and working, when there, non-stop.
*uncomfortable silence*
Actually i must tell the truth ("ABout TIME!") and say that there were TWO hectic days at office before which i was pretty undisturbed by stress and after which i managed to fabricate this feeling of having had to work hard for a year. I actually, physically feel tired. Well, thaz meh. Mebbe i can fabricate experiencing other emotions as well. *jiggles eyebrows expressively* (expressing what, noone dare ask)
I have just realized that i have not an expressive face. My 'quietly-contemplating' look looks pretty much like my constipated look and my 'interestedly-observing' look looks pretty much like jack-the-ripper stalking his prey.
My friends have often told me (while affectionately reminiscing ofcourse) that before they knew me i used to creep them out. ( i enjoy the joys of friendship. eh? did i just use joy TWICE in a sentence??) Anyway, my reaction to that;

Inward: yuh-huh(note to munches: this is my new catchphrase)! i should totally stop doing that dude!
Outward: Pshaw! i don't do that! You guys suck. (As you may have noticed, my vocabulary sure has improved)

But, in conclusion, yes i do stare at people when i'm bored. I just can't help it! I'm not lusting, not plotting murder, i'm just politely staring. People fascinate me so! You can totally make out the inner workings of a group of people by observing (STARING at) them for a few minutes. Mebbe thats why the friends i pick turn out ok in the end because i stay away from the ones i get a negative impression from whilst i am staring at them.

I'm literally out of breath from that sentence.Try saying it out loud!

DISCLAIMER: I am not responsible for the death of people who are dumb enough to listen to me. And having said that i have two more suggestions:
Climb up a lampost and throw yourself off it! (This one provided me and the munches with a lot of laughing time)
"Curl-up and die, die, die"-sung to the tune of Rihanna's Shut up and drive (This one as well!)