Did she, I wonder?

Story mentioned in She's Gonna Break

Paying it Forward

*desperately looks for something else to hyperlink. Fails to find anything. Leaves*

Ol post

The following is something I posted ages ago(March 29, 2008) on my Minglebox blog. I read it and in the vain ways of myself found it hilarious. And it also reminded me of that dreadful time in college when it happened. Coincidental that the 'friend' I mention is Yakub. The boy always seems to be laughing his arse off at me.

Here eet ees!

Kind sir, can i have a plate of embarassment please?

Hmph, street urchin! Embarassment is dessert not a main course!

Oh, then can i have some anxiety-induced memory loss and then the embarassment?

All right. Coming right up!

The psychology practicals were bad. They were really really bad. I mean, not the I'm-saying-this-coz-actually-i-SCORED bad. The actual BAD.

I haven't had a chance to let in sink in for the long term. We had only two things to do. Conduct an experiment. Do a stats sum. Not difficult eh? Well, leave it to me to screw it up as royally as i can. I FORGOT, yes forgot, to do the stats sum. i was so relieved that I had done away with the experiment that I gave my paper a cursory look, got up, deposited it with a smirk at the teacher's table and then left the room confidently.

I found out later from a laughing friend that the teacher held up my paper, laughed at it (a few students joined in), and asked who the brilliant person was. Every single person in the room now knows my name. cheers!!

Thank god there's a few days break before i have to go back. But no matter, I'm sure they're laughing at the next idiot already. (i hope. I desperately, hope)

Interesting thing i saw yesterday.

On the back of a cute little green Medicine Van: "Khuda Hafiz"

Here's your medicine, see you on the other side!

Updates

Can SOMEONE please write in my guest book? Its a sad cold world out there.

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I was in an auto on my way to college and I happen to see a boy on a bike-complete with helmet and gloves. Except one of his hands was halfway inside his helmet trying to stuff his cellphone up there. You know, into that little hollow round your ears. Stupid child. I laughed quite a bit actually. Early morning laughter does not require too great a reason apparently.

____________________________________________________

"10 Rs extra!"

I wanted to kill him. Instead I got into the auto while muttering "Painful you'll are."

"What?" he said.

I froze like salami in a freezer. And then in an act of brave stupidity or stupid bravado- (whichever) I repeated my cuss.

Luckily he repeated "What?" so i got away with that one.

Phew!

*Ticks 'staring death in the face' off her list of things to do*

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Yakub and I were in the bookshop. I was pestering bookshopuncle for change when Yakub suggests i buy one of those greasy sweets that bookshopuncle often stuffs per force into our hands. I ignore.
Meanwhile girl next to me asks for greasy handful.
Here Yakub feels the need to ask "You don't eat all this or wat?"
I look, pause and then say, "NO!" so vehemently and with such disgust that bookshopuncle and girl turn to me, hands awkwardly frozen in the moment. (The greasy perpetrators staring me in the face.)
I cower in embarassment while Yakub tip-toes backwards and laughs his gut out.
I sneak out a little "sorry!" to the girl but i am met with a cold withering glare that gives me shivers to this minute.
But we laughed at that one for a while too.
___________________________________________________

Whowouldathunkit?

I recently found this. I liked it so much that i put it up here. The conversation was made totally in passing. Neither one of us was too dedicated to the thingumajig and (i'm sure) we'd forgotten about it three seconds after it ended. But i happened to see it now. And it made me smile.

Something totally inane and inconsequential made me smile today when i haven't (except out of necessity) in the past few days. Big surprise.

4:58 PM AKR: art thou fervently hoping for a time machine or a universal remote contorl?(in response to some sad status message of mine on gmail about being in the middle of exams)

4:59 PM me: hoping is sad. im building one.

AKR: really now?

me: the time machine. not the remote control

AKR: outta biscuit carton?

5:00 PM me: no..newspaper

AKR: kick ass

me: and a tv antenna

AKR: i suppose it involves complex time charts

for help you could test it out by dumping it in water and see if it comes out dry

5:02 PM me: i was thinking oil and checking if it floats...but i shall consider your idea..

what EVER does a time machine have to do with time charts?

AKR: of course it does

both deal with time

5:03 PM me: chocolate wrappers and pumpkin seeds. thats about all the extra material i need..

AKR: hmm no glue?

me: rice...its as sticky and definitely biodegradable

5:04 PM AKR: hmmm kick ass

6 minutes

5:10 PM me: yup. if only imagination got me marks.

AKR: yeah

Did it make you smile, i wonder? But then again, i know i'm completely strange so it doesn't matter. :)

The Return of Dougie and Examination stories

Dougie has returned! The star reptile of my bedroom stopped by my right wall for a minuscule second before heading over to his favourite hotspot; near his mirror. He checked himself out (AGAIN) in the reflective band of the clock and made a quick exit out the window.
*drumroll*
BUT NOT WITHOUT A QUICK PHOTO!

Dougieproof!

Speaking of strange animals, we recently had examinations and there is a sub-species commonly known as 'invigilators' that are inevitably a part of them..

Our college is really coming down hard on cheating and the invigilators thus, were forced to divulge into the bounty hunting profession, out on the hunt for dirty low down cheats (literally). I found this entire scenario very entertaining and kept bursting out into laughter every now and then-while writing my paper. Obviously this only aroused their suspicion in my 'activities' and I had a tough time not taunting them outright.

Anyway here are a few things that made me laugh:

Halfway through the exam, alls quiet on all fronts, the invigilators are prowling down the aisles praying that they catch someone, anyone, to claim as their prized catch, like brutally competitive fisherman. And then it happened-the ultimate travesty! A phone rang. I immediately looked up (I'd rather have died than missed this moment) in time to catch a flurry of activity. The bounty hunters all stopped in their tracks, beady eyes aglow with the bloodthirst of a hungry tiger. Then simultaneously, they raised their heads upward as far as their necks would allow and turned them to and fro rapidly. IT WAS HILARIOUS! They looked exactly like meer-cats. (See below)
(Please disregard the cat head that popped up suddenly. This is the only nice photo i could scrounge up)
Another fun story that a classmate told me and MM munch after one of the exams goes a little like this. A particular boy (who shall remain unnamed) had a dreadful cold and he was obviously in possession of a handkerchief that was considerably doused in his errr....snot. A lady invigilator (the most ruthless type of this sub-species) walks up to his desk and eyes his 'innocent' looking handkerchief suspiciously. She then proceeded to pick up the sodden rag and unfold it till it couldn't be unfolded anymore and in the process touching its every inch.

Karma is a bitch. And a vindictive little boy with a cold who knew just how to get them back. Well done, son!!

The munches and Yakub have their own way of typical behaviour in the exam hall..

MM is hereby labelled 'tough munch' since she refused to give up her paper till the last minute and resort to a mini-tug of war with the invigilators that was downright ballsy. Me and Pari watched bemusedly from outside the window.
Oshmunch feverishly writes in her paper like she's recharging her life's energy through the act of writing in the goshdarned thing. She is another that refuses to surrender the paper unless the time is beyond up.
Yakub is probably the only one who walks out of the exam hall like a brilliant ray of sunshine. Jokes, grin and all. (While complaining about imminent failure even.)
My main aim after an exam is to get away from the source of my worry as quickly as possible and it works wonders on me!

Two new loves. One new Fascination.

Marc Broussard

My lord! This man's voice is just awe inspiring. Its almost as good as Marley's, in that it is TRADEMARK. Now if i hear his voice again I'll know it. Flat out know it. Its reedy quality is just awesome and his style of singing is 'being involved'. I don't know if its a drawback for him as a performer but he just loses himself in the song so much that you'd think he was alone and really didn't care if he had an audience or not! His eyes closed tight, every emotion of the song showing through on his face and with that you just know that he's LOVING what he's doing at that very moment. This is what i call soul music. Anyway, I'm burning rubber on youtube trying to find every live performance of the guy there is to see and i just had to blog about it. Had to had to had to.

Football

No. Not the american kind. That's just glamourised Fight Club. I'm talkin bout this year's UEFA suddenly catching my fancy after twenty years of being alive. I don't know what it is. Mebbe its the Bangalore weather. Mebbe its the new medication i'm taking. I don't know but i like to watch football now. I don't know much about the intricacies of the game and i sur do't know all the 'legends'of the game but i'm a fast learner.

Anyway, Germany is my favourite at this point. (It has nothing to do with the fact that they're winning right now. Nothing i say.)

My fascination is with my new friend in my room. My semi-pet-who-is-kinda-like-me LIZARD!

Yep, the shardom has a new subject-reptilian mind you-who is narcissitic as hell! I have decided to name him Dougie. Well, anyway, Dougie keeps coming out from behind my desk/mirror thing and travels stealthily to my wall clock that has a shiny reflective band around it and here, Dougie comes to a halt. He then proceeds to stare at his reflection in the reflective material, tilting his head this way and that to get better angles. I am not kidding you here! He just hung around there for the entire episode of 'Bones' that i was watching. Since i knew i had to blog about this and you guys wouldn't believ me, i got a photo! Yes, i caught Dougie the narcissitic reptile in the act! And here is the proof.

I was a tad nervous and hence the camera shook:

A better shot. The doug was still sitting pretty and loving it.

A close-up and he was still checking himself out:

The flash irked him a bit, but did he run away? No! He's one solid narcissist he is, our Dougie.

Depressed Bunnies, Jefferey Archer and the five year plan!

I was just going through my other blog that i made a long time ago. It is so superbly cringe-worthy. Yikes! I can't believe i thought it was net-worthy. (I used worthy twice. haha)
Its filled with these depressing poems that i probably wrote when i was in one of my 'moods'. i was one depressed bunny! Hmm...i wonder if bunnies get depressed. I dunno...mebbe they're depressed all the time. And i just realized that bunnies pretty much make no sounds-at all. They're dumb. Which makes me wonder if they're deaf as well. Coz we had rabbits when i was younger and i don't particularly remember them responding to the ghastly names we gave them. Not one sideways look. Not a raised ear. Nothing. Maybe the bunnies I had were depressed, deaf and dumb. I don't know.
My friend and i used to have fun with them though. We didn't exactly torture them but what we did is kind of in the gray area. Can't arrest or commend us for what we did. (Hah! In your face PETA) So anyway, we used to kidnap one of the bunnies, take it in to the drawing room, set it down on the sofa and push down. and guess what used to happen!?
Voila! It used to poop! Every single time! That was one weird rabbit.
haha...wipes tear from corner of eye.
We had some fun times.
Too bad that some stray dogs got to the bunnies.
shudders
I shan't recount that story! Poor bunnies. They couldn't even scream.
Goshdarnitalltohell. Now i'm sad. :(
On a perkier note, I may be meeting Jefferey Archer tomorrow! He's on his India book tour and he's in Bangalore tomorrow. I can't wait. He's a Lord. Finally, I'm meeting someone of my calibre! xD
Jefferey Archer made me think about my five year plan. (No he didn't. I just wanted to add it here because i didn't want to write a new post because ah'm a lazy bum)
my five-year plan is actually quite cool. It makes me kind-of focused at the moment. I discussed it with widegrin and she agrees that its brilliant. But then again, she's the kind of friend who would supoport you if she found out that you pooped rabbits. (this rabbit thing is not going away too quickly.)
Ta fer now!

two minutes after publishing post: wtf is supoport? haha.

(*Mad n Pari: you suck at nuards. Look at mine.)

Starer Jane.

i haven't blogged in a while because i've been kind of busy.
She lies. She lies.
been going to work regularly (yuh-huh) and working, when there, non-stop.
*uncomfortable silence*
Actually i must tell the truth ("ABout TIME!") and say that there were TWO hectic days at office before which i was pretty undisturbed by stress and after which i managed to fabricate this feeling of having had to work hard for a year. I actually, physically feel tired. Well, thaz meh. Mebbe i can fabricate experiencing other emotions as well. *jiggles eyebrows expressively* (expressing what, noone dare ask)
I have just realized that i have not an expressive face. My 'quietly-contemplating' look looks pretty much like my constipated look and my 'interestedly-observing' look looks pretty much like jack-the-ripper stalking his prey.
My friends have often told me (while affectionately reminiscing ofcourse) that before they knew me i used to creep them out. (Aah...how i enjoy the joys of friendship. eh? did i just use joy TWICE in a sentence??) Anyway, my reaction to that;

Inward: yuh-huh(note to munches: this is my new catchphrase)! i should totally stop doing that dude!
Outward: Pshaw! i don't do that! You guys suck. (As you may have noticed, my vocabulary sure has improved)

But, in conclusion, yes i do stare at people when i'm bored. I just can't help it! I'm not lusting, not plotting murder, i'm just politely staring. People fascinate me so! You can totally make out the inner workings of a group of people by observing (STARING at) them for a few minutes. Mebbe thats why the friends i pick turn out ok in the end because i stay away from the ones i get a negative impression from whilst i am staring at them.

I'm literally out of breath from that sentence.Try saying it out loud!

DISCLAIMER: I am not responsible for the death of people who are dumb enough to listen to me. And having said that i have two more suggestions:
Climb up a lampost and throw yourself off it! (This one provided me and the munches with a lot of laughing time)
"Curl-up and die, die, die"-sung to the tune of Rihanna's Shut up and drive (This one as well!)

Aerosmith in India!

I went to the Aerosmith concert! Not only my first concert in Bangalore but my first EVER! It was real fun!
(Gettin there deserves another story altogether so i won't add that here)
It was quite a nice experience. I mean, who gets to stand in the middle of a stinking crowd(I dont mean that metaphorically, i mmean reaaallyy stinky and i shamelessly agree that after an hour we were adding to the stench) for two hours while waiting for the band ta grace us with their presence. There was wild cussing (most of it by our group) and there was crappy joke cracking(all of it by our group) and then there were people trying to squeeze past. Don't ask me where. We were packed like sardines! I mean, you dint have to make an effort to stand, you just had to stand! And wouldn't you believe it, i had the time of my life! That is, of course, untill the claustrophia and the furnace like heat was just unbareable. We left and took refuge near one of the huge speakers. And it was better there! We had the benefit of the two speakers and huge screens plus a view of the stage. We came out on top in the end.
Aerosmith was just the best. I could see how talented the guys were and how little effort they had to put in to entertain the masses. Their music was just fantastic. Tyler was just amzing and i couldn't believe that the guy is actually ancient! Bit cliche but the first song was Sweet Taste of India.
Perry seemed a bit obsessed with Vindaloo and incense but he changed his tune later and said that what he really loved India for was the Kama Sutra. How honoured we are.
Another thing that comes to mind is that foreigners come to India with such pre conceptions in their heads. Its disgusting. We're people too for heaven's sake! The other day me n Sangi were going somewhere on my bikey and we passed these two cops trying to usher two dumb looking cows off the road. (They had duh expressions on their face and were looking at the cops like they were aliens but never forgetting to chew cud at the same time.) Now thats surprising, seeing cows on mg road! So we laughed and we were just about to turn away when we saw these two foreigners lurking around a few feet away with their eyes wide open and (unfortunately) with a camera in their hands. They were clicking away like mad things and that just took the cake as the cows became confused and decided that they liked having their picture taken after all, adding further to the humiliation our country would face when the foregners would go home and show their children and grandchildren high quality photos of portly policeman ushering cows off the main road in a metropolitan Indian city.
"Where's that grandma?" says cute ten year old.
"Oh honey, thats Bangaloooree in Indiar. They have things like that happening all the time! Quite fascinating isn't it?" says ignorant grandma.
Methinks cameras should be banned but then, word of mouth is worse.

I went to a party. And not just any party (my utter lack of luck helped me here.)A page three party! dripping with sarcasm Yes I was thrilled, salivating, making strange practice-air-kisses and what not. “I get to meet ALL the airheads in Bangalore in one go!” was what I was thinking.
Anyway, I was yawning way before I got there thanks to a busy day at work and when I got there I yawned in the bouncer’s face while telling him what newspaper I was from. He didn’t appreciate it, I think. When I finally got my jaw back under my control, and told him the newspaper, he did a little sneer thing at me that made me want to hit his meaty face but then Om, my photographer, decided to step in and give the SOB a hug. “What are you doing?” I whispered ferociously at his traitorous act.
“I know him ya.” He said with a toothy smile.
I didn’t give a shit.
I glared at him while walking forward and tripped into the elevator. Luckily the doors closed before I could turn around.
I then had to follow him around like a little lost puppy dog as he went around hugging and high-fiving people at the party. (Big deal. I know people. Did you hear about the time I spoke to Arbaaz Khan? Ha!)
Om is actually very sweet. Anger wasn’t directed at him as such, just general.
I met a lot of people and at one point a girl came towards me while saying “Oh DAHHLING! There you are!” and then enveloped me in a bear hug. I smelled her and retched at her breast. I pulled away while smiling weakly at her. She saw my face and said “Oh” as if she just realized her lip gloss and smudged and not that she had hugged an absolute stranger. (terrified stranger as well)
Anyway, when Om was done with his rounds he told me to go to the bar. I thought this was his way of getting rid of my puppy dog expression with I’m-drunk-and-loving-it expression. That worked. NOT
I was still morose but managed to get the bar tender on my side. His name was Don and he was quite nice. But my respect for him plummeted when I asked for his ‘special’ and he gave me a vodka and sprite. Yuck…sissy drink.
I waited and waited and finally the thing happened….the unveiling of the three finalists for Get Gorgeous. PB was utterly gay. Who says things like “Call her bubbles darling! Everybody does!” Oh my God!! I felt like puking right there and then. But I contained myself and managed to smile dyspeptically and nod.
Then it was over, and I could breathe because the mass of ‘smelly’ people had dispersed and had gone to do whatever it is that they do at parties. Page three parties. Not for me.

It Wasn’t My Fault (Another Long Overdue Post)

This so deserves an entry of its own! (plus I want my blog to have more entries)
So I’m with my friends in this place called Java Green (Horrendous, yucky place!) and we decide to have a cup of coffee (mistake of a lifetime). What I ordered turned out to be a cup of diluted mud. The seats were uncomfortable and to quote Meredith Grey-“I had a feeling.” I ridiculed the coffee (Oh boy, was I gonna pay for that) with Munch and gave up trying to drink it.
Osh’s phone decided to ring. Her ring tone is a baby laughing. Those of you, who are saying “Awwww” or some equivalent, stop yourselves. It is, in one word, CREEPY! No, I don’t hate babies. And no I did not have a difficult childhood. (Not all that difficult anyway) But the ring tone makes a shiver run up your spine.
Anyway, it began to ring, and Good Samaritan that I am; I reached over and passed Osh her bag. And it was then that my hands acquired a mind of their own. (I suspect they were co-conspirators with the coffee. Investigations are on-going so I can’t say much) On the way back they spilled the entire cup of coffee on my unsuspecting lap. I was shell-shocked for a minute. Couldn’t move, couldn’t think and certainly couldn’t get up and shake, no pour, the coffee off. (Did I mention the entire cup of coffee fell on my lap?) I finally got up, and the coffee flowed off my lap like miniature Niagara Falls, managing to make a mess of myself and the nice hardwood floors of the coffee shop. (Yous should have seen the look on the face of the employees. I don’t care. I hate that place with a vengeance now.) And then I just stood there, recapping the incident in my mind’s eye. It was something like this;

3:05:39 Entered godforsaken shop

3:10:14 Ordered cup of diluted mud

3:12:20 Gave up trying to drink coffee

3:12:46 Ridiculed diluted mud

3:13:05 Attack of the Horrendous Vengeful Coffee

My friends finally managed to drag me away from the dastardly place to a nearby restroom. (My jeans looked like I had peed in them). What happened inside is even funnier. (For you anyway)
I took about a ton of tissue and wet it then vigorously rubbed the affected area. (My jeans looked like I had peed in them!) I just made a huger mess of it. In the end, I had to remove my jeans and hand it to Osh and Munch. Then I skulked behind one of the toilet doors, half naked, as they patiently dried it in front of the malfunctioning hand dryer. Try n beat that! Ha! *clasps hands together and shakes them first over left and then right shoulder*

A New Day, A New Friend (A long overdue post)

Guess who's my bestest friend in the whole world......EMBARRASSMENT!
Today was a particularly good day for me n him. (Forgive me but Embarrassment can be nothing but a guy)
So anyway, I have this habit of climbing up the stairs as though I'm being chased by the devil himself. Going down isn't too different either. I also have the habit of scoffing at my grandmom when she tells me to be careful. "I'm untouchable!" i say with a supercilious smile and an irritating wink before I bumble up/down the stairs.
Now this morning I was moping up the stairs, utterly sleepy and cursing the world in general and then it happened. I tripped...on the very last step... my little toe did it! (That darned thing-its given me enough trouble as it is). I was sprawled on the floor near the stairs (I contemplated just going to sleep right there) and my grandmom appeared outta nowhere! (She does that sometimes. I think its an ability all adults have...especially at the wrong time). I got up all too quickly and decided to pretend i meant to fall flat on my face -just to entertain her. (It was seven in the morning, i was sleepy-it was the best i could come up with) She looked doubtfully at me and then at the spot i had been prostrate on a few seconds ago. I put my arm around her affectionately and guided her, firmly, away from the incriminating evidence (I think i saw a little bit of blood besides the fact that my little toe hurt like a *****) and towards the dining room while trying not to limp.
I decided that even though the day had begun badly i would, as people say, ‘take it in my stride’. (Remind me to kill the know-it-alls)
So despite all this I was in a good mood as I left the house-all happy and expectant. I was going for a movie with my friends-The Ghost Rider. *makes pukey face* (Don't even think about watching it!)
On my way to the theatre (I drive a 67 cc Kinetic Zing-don't you dare laugh) I was, of course, slowed by three traffic lights. At the last one, while i was waiting with my engine turned off, i felt my right thigh vibrate. I had recieved a message on my cell! I looked at the traffic light-then at my jeans-wondering if i should leave the message for later. But the little red devil on my right shoulder took over and i took my phone out and quickly punched away at the keypad. I was pulled out of my activity when I saw that I had three seconds before the light turned green! I abandoned typing at my cell and attempted to shove it back into my pocket while starting my bike…ahem…two-wheeler. I failed. By this time the traffic behind me was about a minute away from getting off or out of their respective vehicles and smashing the living daylights out of me! To add to the mess, my cell fell out of my shivering hand. It was ugly. But I made it past the traffic light without a scratch on me! (You should be saying something like “Good on you mate!” preferably in an Aussie accent)
Here's to still being alive! Cheers!

The Poor Poor Sheep

Have you ever tried counting sheep when you can't sleep? You have, haven't you? Well i have too. I was just lying in bed...i couldn't sleep. I closed my eyes and all i could think about was how i couldn't sleep. The i resorted to this supposed old favourite-counting sheep! The theory behind it is that you get so bored that you eventually fall asleep.(HA!)
Anyway, i began counting sheep. That became boring. So i added a fence.(the green meadow and mountains in the backdrop as well as the little stream were there by default) What harm could that do? Turns out a lot. Once the fence was added i had to incorporate it into the whole charade. So i took advice from one of the sheep-Moe (Surprise, surprise-he's black) and made the sheep jump over the fence neatly before wading accross the stream to reach the green meadow. (just go with it ok) That worked for a while. (for a while) The sheep 'baa-ed' happily, pranced over the fence, then waded accross and then munched contentedly.

*'Baa', prance, wade, chomp. 'Baa', prance, wade, chomp. 'Baa', prance, wade, chomp.*

Then it happened. One of the sheep's hind legs struck the fence as he jumped and he landed with a sick 'crunch', in a pile on the other side mumbling a weak 'baa', trying to get up. But...
Lemme tell you something-Sheep are daft. What followed can only be described as a major pile-up. I'm talking twenty to thirty sheep, and more on the way, happily prancing into the 'baa'ing mess with the first sheep still mumbling broken, weak 'baa's every now and then.
What's worse is that i just couldn't stop myself!! My imagination ran wild and I abandoned my attempt to sleep completely, when my little story ended with Moe reciting lines from the Matrix, happily launching rockets into the ever-growing pile. The rest is too graphic to describe.
Moral: Do NOT imagine anything about sheep. Its dangerous.

MIDGET UPDATE

The midget is missing. He is number ten on the Interpol's Most Wanted List. Apparently that isn't enough. He is reported to be in hiding with another fugitive(I'm not hinting at anything here) in some mountains North(or was it South) of Afghanistan(or was it Argentina).
His description is---small ruffian-looking, vertically challenged, semi Homo-Sapien with a scruffy beard and a hammer the size of China (as mentioned before). Sometimes answers to the name 'Hagar'.
If spotted please contact nearest Interpol headquarters(I know they're hard to locate. Stop whining) or me because there is a HUGE reward in store for the lucky man/woman/co-conspiring midget. (I'm not saying the reward is really huge, but it ain't small either...unless you compare it with something else...smaller...maybe then. But its not huge-huge...maybe you could say big..not big-big. Something like that anyway. Confused? So was I. Just call in you greedy pigs.)
More updates later.

GIBBERISH BLUES

You have got to try this....Gibberish....one simple word-an amazing solution to being blue....I was wandering (more like stalking) around the house the other day in a fouler-than-foul mood and the leg of my study table chanced upon my little toe. Apparently they didn't get along and the table leg stubbedm my toe, which then caused me to hop around on one foot with the other toe in my hand(I didn't know i was that flexible) for a minute or two. If you're wondering, the table got its due. (My grandmother wondered about the missing appendage for a minute but i craftily distracted her with a magnificent fake tantrum)
Anyway back to my genius discovery-As i was hopping around unflatteringly, I screamed obscenities...and that just made me red in the face and groping for words worse than the ones i already knew and had used. It was then that my first rubbish word escaped my mouth(which was set in an unbecoming sneer at the time. It only added to the beautiful gibberish to follow)-"Snghhhkrch"(said through gritted teeth to add that extra inflection). History, ladies and gentlemen, was made at that moment and I haven't looked back since. Gibberish is now officially my second language (unofficially my first-What would people say!?)
Try it. I assure its as stupid as it sounds. Thats the beauty of it!

Headaches, Midgets and Munch

It's such a strange feeling when you're happy after a long time. Its like meeting a different person-metaphorically speaking(whatever that means). It is also very strange (but not uncommon) when you have a truckload of work to do but you just couldn't be bothered. (just couldn't give a #&*@ #%+!! to be clearer) Listening ta music and adding nonsensical things to your blog, eating copious amounts of ice cream and twiddling yout thumbs become extremly important activities. Seriously! I haven't had such time for myself in so LONG!(my thumbs hurt)
My back hurts (adding to the agony in the thumbs) and don't ask me about my head (i know you won't so i'm gonna tell you without further ado) My head hurts. Tumor bad. The entire left side is pounding! Yet i have to sit three inches away from the computer screen for as long as i can, squint at small print books in bad light and and watch TV avidly. Self pity is the best way to go during times like these. Its a HUGE comfort. Helping yourself is just plain loserish.
College was hilarious today. I got a 'WOW' on my paper from LV. If you're thinking thats a good thing then you're highly mistaken.
Munch had a nice.....uhh lets say-discussion...with Kana in the middle of the staircase with a large crowd being entertained on the sidelines. I managed to sell a few tickets here and there-all in all quite a profit. Osh was too busy cowering in a small puddle of embarassement so I cashed in today!!(haha! my evil plan of taking over the world economy is within reach!)
Stayed with mortified munch for a while, then returned home to wallow in self pity and the splitting headache.
My dad has this interesting theory that having a headache is quite like having a small vindictive barbarian in your head, who just keeps pounding away inside there with grim satisfaction. He has a mallet the size of China and takes great pleasure in thumping you with it. The mallet goes down,the midget goes up, the mallet goes up and the midget goes down, then the mallet goes...oh you get the hang of it-i think. (If you haven't then stop reading my blog)
Me n him (the barbarian) have become quite good friends over our week long companionship. I christened him Hagar-Headache Hagar recently. ( I know the name is taken. Deal with it.) There was a party and everything. I even managed ta sneak a bottle of Champagne in and crash it on his head when he wasn't looking. (Don't worry, he's fine. The stitches are almost completely healed.)
For all my complaining we manage to exchange pleasantries between thumps( he is a busy man-what with all the thumping and all)
THUMP!
Shar: "Hi there hagar! Back again are you?"
THUMP!
Hagar:"*Grunt*"
THUMP
Shar: "Oh I'm doing perfect!! Almost can't feel you in there!"
THUMP!
Hagar: "Grunt grunt*"
(Well he's not a conversationalist, not one for small talk, or any kind of talk for that matter but he is a busy man)
That was our last conversation. Will keep you posted. (haha! get it!? "will keep you posted" I crack myself up i tell you!)