I had written a post at twelve at night on June 7. Small problem. I forgot to post it. So here it is!
Its myyy birrthhhdaayy!
And this midnight post is dedicated to.....ahem.....none other than......ME!
*wipes tear from corner of eye* "This means SO much to me! Its such an honour and having this honour is so honourable that it honours the ass out of other honourable things that people have ever honoured me with. Sigh."
Now away with the insanity and to more sane one sided conversation.
Birthdays are just the funnest things! People can't scream at you. They can't yell, gesticulate, make hand gestures, speak rudely or argue with you. They just have to put up with all the...ahem..."attributes" that define you as a person. Now, all my birthdays have pretty much been days of fun, frolic and otherworldly displays of affection (don't ask). So this year, I've decided to out down some things as guidelines for all things birthday related, not necessarily applicable to me. (Hell yea!)
1. The GOLDEN RULE is that however insufferable the person is (my friends will be nodding their heads here) you just GOTTA suck it up and be nice to em! Come hell or high handed five player poker.
2. The next rule is that a kiss and a hug does NOT, i repeat, does NOT, count as a birthday gift in this galxy or the next. If you're gettin someone (me) a card, get a gift to go with it for chrissake.
3. Next, if you have any inkling about how old the person is, even a vague flying clue about which decade they have entered, don't ask how old they are. Unless, that is, if you have a death wish or actually are that dumb.
4. My favourite! MY birthday without cake is like tweety without silvestor, just another talkin bird, full of herself. The cake numbs the talk ya see. (I'm in metaphor hell, so shoot me!)
5 You absolutely HAVE to address me with the prefix, Your Highness, at all times. It would only seem the right thing to do.
6. Read carefully ma darlins, none of the above matters if you reaaalllllyyyy lurrrvvvee me! MWA!