It Wasn’t My Fault (Another Long Overdue Post)

This so deserves an entry of its own! (plus I want my blog to have more entries)
So I’m with my friends in this place called Java Green (Horrendous, yucky place!) and we decide to have a cup of coffee (mistake of a lifetime). What I ordered turned out to be a cup of diluted mud. The seats were uncomfortable and to quote Meredith Grey-“I had a feeling.” I ridiculed the coffee (Oh boy, was I gonna pay for that) with Munch and gave up trying to drink it.
Osh’s phone decided to ring. Her ring tone is a baby laughing. Those of you, who are saying “Awwww” or some equivalent, stop yourselves. It is, in one word, CREEPY! No, I don’t hate babies. And no I did not have a difficult childhood. (Not all that difficult anyway) But the ring tone makes a shiver run up your spine.
Anyway, it began to ring, and Good Samaritan that I am; I reached over and passed Osh her bag. And it was then that my hands acquired a mind of their own. (I suspect they were co-conspirators with the coffee. Investigations are on-going so I can’t say much) On the way back they spilled the entire cup of coffee on my unsuspecting lap. I was shell-shocked for a minute. Couldn’t move, couldn’t think and certainly couldn’t get up and shake, no pour, the coffee off. (Did I mention the entire cup of coffee fell on my lap?) I finally got up, and the coffee flowed off my lap like miniature Niagara Falls, managing to make a mess of myself and the nice hardwood floors of the coffee shop. (Yous should have seen the look on the face of the employees. I don’t care. I hate that place with a vengeance now.) And then I just stood there, recapping the incident in my mind’s eye. It was something like this;

3:05:39 Entered godforsaken shop

3:10:14 Ordered cup of diluted mud

3:12:20 Gave up trying to drink coffee

3:12:46 Ridiculed diluted mud

3:13:05 Attack of the Horrendous Vengeful Coffee

My friends finally managed to drag me away from the dastardly place to a nearby restroom. (My jeans looked like I had peed in them). What happened inside is even funnier. (For you anyway)
I took about a ton of tissue and wet it then vigorously rubbed the affected area. (My jeans looked like I had peed in them!) I just made a huger mess of it. In the end, I had to remove my jeans and hand it to Osh and Munch. Then I skulked behind one of the toilet doors, half naked, as they patiently dried it in front of the malfunctioning hand dryer. Try n beat that! Ha! *clasps hands together and shakes them first over left and then right shoulder*