Saturday, 24 March 2007

Getting Lost

Its one of my favorite activities-especially on the way to an important event. I’d be humming a little tune (inside my stiflingly hot helmet) and not paying the least bit of attention to the road I’m on and then (a kilometer past the turning I’m supposed to take) I’d suddenly come to my senses and utter a little scream inside my helmet (managing to mist up the glass-adding to my already mounting troubles)

PLAN A then comes into play:

I talk to myself (inside the helmet-so I don’t look completely crazy) and calm myself down.
“So what if I missed the turning? I’ll just take the next right. That should undo the wrong!”
I begin to hum again and wait patiently for the next turning while trying to figure out which part of town I’m in (in vain). A kilometer goes by, and another, and another.
I cleverly zip in and out of traffic for a while before I realize that I’ve run out of road! And of right turns. A dreaded dead-end-T-junction(whatyoucallit) creeps closer.
“So what? I’ll just take a u-turn and go back the way I came! Yes! That’s what I shall do.”
Of course, u-turns are strictly prohibited as says the (barely) round sign. I would have risked breaking the law had it not been for the rotund 'traffic policeman' standing right next to the sign-establishing the belief in my head that the world truly does hate me and that I wasn't imagining it all. I curse (inside the helmet) as I'm forced to turn right. As i turn i scream at a passing auto "***********uram?"(the name says it all-now you know why i got lost in the first place) He gestures vauguely in the direction we are headed and I'm reassured.(Silly me)

I sit up a little straighter, overjoyed and proud at my navigational skills (do not laugh I say!) I zip past people, smirking at their misfortune of not knowing me. Still in my conceited state, I manage to spot a right turn (now a left) I hadn’t spotted before and continue to smirk as I negotiate the turn smoothly. I’m still smirking as I sail past a residential area, past kids playing in the street (narrowly missing a few), past people taking an evening stroll.
My smirk begins to fade now. I still don’t know where the hell I am. And the place I’m in is bloody deserted. Not even a single soul in sight. (The children have retreated indoors after they hear me approaching.)

PLAN B comes to the rescue!
I decide to ask the next person I see. And the winner is-
I spot two unsuspecting people having a conversation by the side of the road (unfortunate blokes!) and zoom up to them, coming to a squealing stop a few inches from one of them.
They look at me like I’m something from another world and one of them looks around furtively, as though for some kind of protection.
I grin and ask them “Can you please tell me how I can get to **********uram?”
“well, you just gotta go back the way you came and take a left, then a right and when you hit the main road take a left. Ask someone from there.” He says, a little relieved at the prospect of getting me off his back.
I continue to look at him, trying to comprehend what he said while coming to the conclusion that the man is ****ing crazy! How could I possibly follow all that?
Careful not to change my expression, I nod and smile.
“Thanks so much!” I say, sounding confident. I give him a little wave and take a u-turn (yet again) He musta bin confused when I took the nearest right.

Getting lost-it’s not an easy task and it certainly isn’t for the weak of heart. Trust me-I would know.

1 comment:

MM said...

Ooo what I nice little treat I found when I unsuspectingly visited your blog at this unearthly hour.
A Sharanyapost!

Laughed a gazillion times.
I've said it before and I'll say it again.
You is funny munch!

Now tell me, what has your aunt said?